Massively Effective

Mass Effect is a nifty little sci-fi game game for the X-box 360. It's pretty slick, and has a charming b-movie quality in it's presentation. On the surface it's your Halo/Bruckheimer/Rah-rah America video game. Shoot guns, save the day and/or damsel and ride off into the sunset. Our protagonist is Commander Shepard, the first human Spectre (this universe's Jedi, or 00 agent), on a quest to bring in a rogue Spectre and stop his evil robot army. Pretty much standard fair, am I right? Bioware, creators of Mass Effect, laid their trap well.

Clever Canadian Bastards

Running alongside the skin-tight space suits and explosions is a thoughtful, meaningful story, wrought with difficult moral decisions and deep philosophical problems. Questions about the meaning and origins of life, and the future of humanity in terms of technological progression as well as spiritual meaning all offered to the player in the guise of a video game. Imagine that.

She has her Doctorate in Archeology, or something.

There's also an option in the game to customize Commander Shepard. Don't care for the Shepard Bioware made? No problem, go make one in the character creator. You can even be female Shepard. This was surprising, because Bioware really sold the male Shepard they made, putting his face on everything. The reason this is interesting is that the female character is better. A lot better.

Look at his stupid face.

For starters, Jennifer Hale as Commander Shepard delivers a stronger performance. I have a hard time playing the game as male Shepard because of the difference in quality. The voice of male Shepard (Mark Meer) sounds to me like a guy in a sound booth delivering lines. They fit the story and we get the point but for the most part there's no feeling, because these lines work too well for a man. Jennifer Hale got that and chewed the scenery. These lines were written for a male character to say, and very little was changed for the female character. What we end up with is a tough, smart, empowered female character saving the galaxy. She gives impassioned speeches and boldly leads her crew to victory and it's fucking sweet.

FemShep fits the story better, and I think the paragon/renegade dynamic of the game presents the best way to describe this. In every conversation in Mass Effect Shepard can choose from three responses: Paragon, Neutral, and Renegade. These choices give points to Paragon and Renegade meters that determine the outcome of the game. Male Shep's responses for paragon choices often feel dopey and cheesy, while his renegade responses feel ignorant and campy. These are fine if you really go for the Orlando Bloom paragon or the Bruce Campbell renegade. Jennifer Hale on the other hand delivers Paragon lines like a compassionate bad-ass, and Renegade lines like Kali. The weight she gives the character does as much for the game as anything else. The writing is superb, the plot is engrossing, and the characters are three-dimensional (you genuinely care for them by the end) but none of that means anything if the protagonist is (like male Shepard)  just a carbon copy from every shallow male hero ever. If I had to guess, Mark Meer saw the surface game, while Jennifer Hale got into the story. And completely by accident a classic feminist hero was born.

Pictured: A Hero

Dreams

To quote my high schools lame motto, "Dreams are the seedlings of reality." I don't think that means anything, other than being exactly what a high school would tell you. I'm sure they refer to dreams in the context of "What do I want to be when I grow up." rather than "I had a dream that I was trapped in a building Die Hard style." Those dreams are far more interesting, and would make much better reality seeds. Here are some things you probably didn't know about dreams.

Dream seeds need way more manure to grow.  

1. Sleep position matters.

There are some people who have to be careful about where they lay their head. Laying on one's back can cause Sleep Paralysis for some. There are a lot of different explanations as to what Sleep Paralysis is, so I'll simply describe what it feels like, since I experience it a lot.

If I sleep on my back, I would say there is a 70% chance I will wake up and be unable to move. This is more than lucid, it's hyper realistic. I wake up, and while I can see and everything is as it should be, I cannot move. My entire body feels like stone, and breathing is difficult. The first time it happened I was 16 and it was horrifying. You can struggle all you like, but that just lengthens the amount of time you spend frozen. The trick is to realize what's going on. If you find yourself in that predicament, relax. Tell yourself it's a dream, and go back to sleep. In moments you'll wake up in your bed and thrash around, happy to be moving. 

Preventative steps include reducing stress and sleeping in the fetal position or on your stomach.

Warning: Sometimes these episodes are accompanied by visual and auditory hallucinations involving but not limited to home invasions, screaming, alien abductions, demon encounters. 

2. You can get out.

While sleep paralysis can be terrifying, here's something your doctor won't tell you about if you bring it up: You can walk out of your body when it happens. There a lot of tricks to doing this, and they all focus on one thing. Forget your physical self. Your mind is fully awake, but your body isn't. The brain naturally shuts the body off from the brain when sleeping, to stop you from kicking your partner when you go to kick the winning field goal at the super bowl. Now your brain is awake, but your body won't respond. (whether or not this is actually the case is irrelevant, as it's how you'll experience it.) Now that you've mastered waking up from this realm, it's time to master exploring it. 

When I wake up and find my body unresponsive now, I get excited at my prospects. Sometimes excitement will wake you out of it so try to stay fairly calm. Look around you. anyone there? Let's hope not, because sometimes there's what we call "The Dweller on the Doorstep." a shadowy figure that will try to stop your exit. You have to kill him. It's usually a persons first test here. It's actually you, and everything you hate about yourself. So depending on your vices and how much you feed them, it could be strong or weak. It wants to stop your progress, because more often than not visiting this place leads to deep revelations about yourself and the reality of why you do what you do. Tread carefully.

If your lucky enough to be alone, it's time to use your imagination. Rather than trying to move your body, imagine your body moving. Imagine sitting up. You will, but you'll probably hear a weird ripping, shredding, popping or even screaming sound as you do. Don't worry, your safe. Look at your hands. This is a good way to get some clarity and focus, both of which will have faded some since you sat up. Anytime you feel like you can't see, just look at your body and that usually helps.

Once you're up and about, the world is your oyster. You can do whatever you like here. However, negative acts will bring negative consequences, like in the physical world only quicker. I like to think of this world as my subconscious, but also inhabited by separate beings, some just observing, some hindering or helping. Your experience will tell you what this place is. I think it's as much the real world as the waking world, as in everything we perceive and experience is simply a creation of our minds reading outside stimuli. But here, thoughts have physical forms.

Congratulations, you're Astral Projecting!

Avoid sex here. It's... weird. 

3. Reality Check.

Reality checks are a tool used by people looking for lucid dreams. Lucid dreams are different than Astral Projection, in that one is already in a dream and realizes they're dreaming and the world becomes clearer, and they gain control of their actions. I've only lucid dreamed once, and it was fine, but not as real as astral projection somehow. I think there are layers to the whole thing, and lucid dreams are just on the cusp of astral projection.

A reality check is something you do during your waking hours. Look at a book cover, read the title, look away for five Mississippi's then look back. Is the title the same? You're awake. Boring. Doing this throughout the day however will make it habit and one day you'll look back and the title will be gibberish. Why? Because you're dreaming and dreams hate the written word.  

4. People who play video games are better at it.

Recently a study was released that indicates that those who play video games are more likely to have lucid dreams, or dreams in which they are fully aware and in control of their actions. It seems the control of a virtual world is excellent practice for the dream world. They are also more likely to experience dreams in third person,  they see themselves rather than looking out of their own eyes. 

The study also showed that while gamers are more likely to have violent dreams or nightmares, they are far more likely to fight back against their dream aggressors. In other words, when a normal person gets chased by a ghoul, they just run away, and it is truly terrifying. When a gamer encounters the ghoul, they pull out the flame thrower and let loose. 

So really, playing video games is really good for your self-esteem, if nothing else. Who knows what dreams are, maybe we're training an entire generation of spiritual warriors. 

Worst dream ever!

Yule-Tide

My wife and I have been together for 3 years, and got married this past August. This will be the first Christmas we spend together in it's entirety, and we will be spending it with her family. I'm very excited to experience her family traditions, and even more so to see her on Christmas morning. Usually we split to join our families on Christmas eve, and spend the night and morning with them, then meet up around noon. This year we spend Christmas eve day with my family, then spend the night and Christmas morning with her family.

 Anyway, it's got me thinking about tradition and the importance of the season. I celebrate Christmas. It's how I was raised, and it's how I connect with the season. However, while I identify with Jesus, I also have a deep respect and love for the pagan traditions. I feel as though they have survived for good reason, and that the majority of the magic of this time of year is best described by that language, those traditions and legends. After all, we know this isn't the actual birth date of Jesus. The time of year was chosen to be celebrated as Christmas by the church because Yule was already so immensely popular in northern Europe, and the winter solstice celebrated around the world. Why not jump on? Also, helps crush opposition, but I won't get into that now. 

In a year full of pagan celebrations and feasts, why choose Yule to be the time of the year when we celebrate Christ's birth? I think it's the feeling. Yule is the time of year when we celebrate hope, joy, and love. Instead of looking forward into the cold dark winter, the hard months ahead filled with ice, deep snow, and bitter cold, we look instead at the best part of ourselves. It's as much about having one last warm, joyous meal together before the ice and snow keeps us apart, as it is about taping into the pure magic that is naturally occurring this time of year. Whether it's an internal or external force that it pours forth from, or a bit of both, it can be overwhelming if you open yourself up to it. Exactly like Jesus. It can get caught up in being told how you're supposed to feel, following the rules to achieve the  perfect Christmas, or perfect christianity as dictated by society. Bigger and flashier, simply being more than those around you. Through presents and decorations, a better Christmas, a better christian. We do the same to our spirituality. We idealize it based on what society says is the best way to celebrate. But if we can cut through the massive amounts of distractions and break through to the pure feeling, the pure relationship with the quiet moments alone, and with loved ones, when we feel the earth and the spirit of God, that's Christ, and that's Christmas, and that's Yule.

My wife and I are truly blessed to have been raised by people who understand that, and I look forward to the day that we make our own Christmas together.

Lady Gaga: Prophet of Joy

I love Lady Gaga.

Yes, I said it. Probably not a terribly ground-shaking comment, but I often find myself defending my position.

My first real encounter with Lady Gaga was while I was working as a dishwasher at a hotel restaurant. The radio in the kitchen was always set to the local pop station. The only problem I have with this station is that they have a really bad habit of overplaying a song. I could hear Poker Face three or four times in 4 hours. I probably would have heard it again later in my shift, but the kitchen crew and wait staff would clear out, and I would immediately turn the radio to CBC. Learn some stuff, or listen to Stuart McLean recite an ode to pumpkin pie. So, hearing Lady Gaga so often, and in such a repetitive manner really turned me off of her. Also, I was listening without any context, so she seemed like any other blonde, poorly choreographed pop star. Not worth my time thought I, with an arrogant, self-satisfied smirk.

A few months later, being quite comfortable in my Anti-Gaga position, my wife (then girlfriend) brought home the double album The Fame and The Fame Monster on CD. I was shocked, as she had always agreed with my conclusion of "Gaga? Pffft." and now she's all a twitter (not that) and telling me how wonderful these albums are. Then she played Speechless and the world ended in a hyperbolic fun-splosion. Yes, fun-splosion. That one song, so well written and so different from her singles really intrigued me. I listened to both albums, start to finish and I was hooked. Also, South Park gave her the stamp of approval, and I do whatever Stone and Parker tell me to. Just like they would want.

She's Brilliant! Driving beats and bizarre lyrics. Thinly veiled, cutting metaphors, and an underlying message of "Fuck it." that really resonates with me.She inspires individuality and self-respect. She mocks the main-stream while at the same time changing it for the better. She's an artist that will forever be reinventing herself and moving forward and I'm excited to see each new step. She's about having fun, and embracing the euphoria and joy that is existence.

Life is too short not to dance to Lady Gaga.

What and odd young man...

It's a glorious day. God is great, humanity is great, and we dance together through the universe together, forever spinning and joining in glorious orgasm. Take this time to glory in existence and feel the raw power that is your life force. The universe pulses through you and you through her. There are no words to describe the magnificence and joy that is unadulterated life. Feel the beat of your favourite song. Don't let anything stop you. Feel it all, feel it through your sinew and bone and blood and into the deepest parts of your soul. Explode with the awesome and awful righteousness that is the unstoppable, untameable, unnameable, untraceable eternity. Life is an exclamation point. God is the line and you are the point. You are the point. It's the only way to be.

Allow yourself to be filled with it, to overflow with it and revel in your inability to contain it. You are incapable of containing it. You are incapable of being contained. Explode into the universe and it will explode into you and together and forever you will dance in ecstasy. You are invited and you feel it within yourself but for some reason you fear it and you recoil. Don't. That's not even a strong enough word, "don't", you can't, you must not give in to the feeling of despair and turmoil and drudgery that so many of us fall into. That's not why you are here, you are here to dance and explore and explode with joy and wonder! Don't let the weight of existence overpower the power contained within. They are one and the same and when you flip that coin, when you turn the weight on your shoulders into the power under your feet you will know why it is, why you are and even better, you will know why you don't know, can't know, and it is glorious.

It is glorious.

I am a child of love and beauty and peace and eternity and I can never use it up for it is everything.

I love you.

i am weak and i am flesh and i am finite, but that which looks out from these eyes is greater than the sum of it's parts and when i let i go, I become so much more. I become We, We become Eternity.

The beat of the drum, the drive of life, the power that will not be contained. Stands defiant in the face of oblivion, glories in the face of obliteration, laughs and dances like a child in the presence of ruin and becomes Life!

Mournful Whale Wail

Yesterday I learned that Whales commit suicide. What a depressing concept. I just never considered the possibility that Whales would intentionally beach themselves. Why would they do that? I know they must live difficult lives, and we certainly make it worse, but why off themselves? 

Not all of them commit suicide, certainly a percentage do get confused in storms, are sick, or exhausted. Some apparently just want it all to end. My understanding (which is extremely limited, I no smart.) is that Humans are the only species on Earth intelligent (or dumb) enough to understand our own finite existence. A Squirrel understands that a Hawk could kill it, but it does not understand that even if it avoids Hawks forever it will someday die of old age, or disease. Maybe they don't even understand that much. Maybe they only understand that Hawk = Pain. So for a Whale to truly commit suicide, by our standard definition, it would have to understand that it is finite, and has the ability to end it's own existence. If it understands that, what else does it understand? 

There are examples of animals killing themselves, though it is usually inadvertently. There is a bridge where Dogs routinely jump to their deaths, seemingly without hesitation. Squirrel road-kill seems to skyrocket in late fall, when they might become aware that they do not have enough food stored for the winter. These examples are weak references to suicide. The Dog bridge has no explanation, and the Squirrel road-kill could be instinct, or more associated with a hectic and distracting drive to get better prepared for winter. 

Some animals will become depressed, and waste away. Animals that have lost companions or mates often stop eating. This probably can't be called suicide. In order for it to be called suicide, the victim must understand that it's actions will lead to it's own end. It must also have a concept of the past, present, and future. For example "This event in my past is torturing my present, and will continue to do so in the future. It will not get better." This is of course a fallacy, as all things must pass. That being said, the afflicted exists only inside themselves and therefore creates a world in which the pain is omnipresent.

Coming back to the Whales: They are very sensitive beings, who form very close relationships. It is plausible that when they lose a loved one, either a mate, a child or a companion, they certainly feel the pain as much as (or perhaps more than) we do. Perhaps this drives them into an emotional spiral where they rage-beach themselves, having no concept that it will kill them. I know I've felt emotional pain so intensely that without thought I attempt to turn it into a more manageable physical pain. Not proud, just saying. On the other hand, perhaps they have a concept of death that we don't associate with animals. Perhaps Whales are smarter than we give credit, and they know exactly what they are doing to themselves.  

In the end, this begs the question: Just what do Whales sing about?

Rune Casting

    I am a Want-to-be Runecaster. I'm not entirely sure when one switches from attempting to be, and being, so it's probably best I don't just throw around the title. I started in late August of this year. I was inspired by my dear friend Patricia, who is a Tarot Reader. She read for my wife and me, and did a spectacular job. She's insightful and intuitive. Her passion and joy for reading inspired me, and I began looking into the culture and practice earlier in the summer.

    Through vetting several websites (my criteria involve active and welcoming forums, thorough essays on the topic, grounded language, and proper spelling and grammar.) I learned a lot, and was directed to a few different styles of readings. I let it go for a bit, and just let myself digest what I had learned and decide whether it was really something I should do. My wife and I were also getting ready for our wedding in early August, so that took most of my attention. It was a great wedding too. Easily the most beautiful day of my life.

    After we got back from the honeymoon, we were in a book store and I looked for some books on spirituality and readings. It was a big chain store, I'm sure I don't need to name names. The selection was weak, and kind of insulting in some ways. Why is a bestiary of the dark ages sitting next to a book on zen living? However, one thing did catch my eye, a book on runecasting. I didn't think I should buy the book itself, but the concept sang to me. I ran the idea past my wife, who supported the idea. Then I talked to Patricia about it, and she thought it was a good idea too. So, encouraged thus I began to look into runes with enthusiasm. After a couple of weeks, I came to the decision that yes, I would endeavor to learn this skill, and that I would do so by making my own set.

    This was so much fun, you don't even know. With my Father-in-Law's permission, I cut a branch off of the apple tree in his yard. I cut it into 30 (the  alphabet is 24 letters, but best to have spares) or so round pieces of similar size, debarked and sanded them. I studied the elder futhark, the runic alphabet, the Norse and Danish runes which I felt the most connection to both personally and ancestrally. I learned their shapes and meanings, and their relationships to one another. I wrote them down, over and over again. When I was ready, and had all of the necessary tools and materials, I began carving them. One by one, I carved them and meditated on them. I poured myself into each carving, feeling the meaning of what each rune needed to be. I then stained each rune with my own blood. There are a few reasons this is done. Some say that it prevents another person from leaving their psychic mark on the runes, or taking ownership of them. For me, it represents intent. It says to myself, and the Universe that I have done this, not half-heartedly, or foolishly, but with passion and intent, intent to reach certain goals, and to always reach for a higher plateau. I'm not here for a laugh (though interestingly, my runes have a sense of humour) or to play at it and toss them aside when I've had my fun, or when it gets difficult. As a result, I have a very strong connection to my runes.

      I have done readings for three people, aside from myself. Patricia was the lucky first recipient of my runecasting (not really "casting", but a layout. I'm working up to casting.) and it went well. I miss read the last rune, her future rune, which was embarrassing. The next two readings were less successful. I would say my biggest obstacle is getting over my shyness. It really impedes the reading, because I close up. It's like I have asthma of the personality. The next reading I do, I have to let go, and embrace the moment. I can't worry about what the querent thinks of me. That's what happens; I think to myself "Oh no, they're going to think I'm a big weirdo." Which is dumb, because if they really think it's weird, then they won't ask to have it done, and I do them a disservice by closing up and not doing it right. Which they will then think is weird.

    There is a lot I have to learn, and I am dedicated to learning. I know I'll make mistakes (with me, it is inevitable) but I'll keep going, and actually get skilled at something for once.